Last Updated on September 30, 2026
Quick answer: Here is how to build relationships with professors: go to office hours with specific questions, participate thoughtfully in class, ask about their research, take more than one course with them, and stay in touch after the semester. Those relationships lead to mentorship, research roles, and recommendation letters for years to come.
Why Learn How to Build Relationships With Professors
On a factual basis, professors are useful people. They write you recommendations for years after graduation. They can offer advice and mentorship and be a valuable sounding board as you advance through your career. Learning how to build relationships with your professors will enrich your life.
On an emotional level, it is almost always the case that professors are interesting people. Even the grumpy, gruff professors, and even the beaten-down-by-adjunct-status professors. Something, some academic subject, engaged them enough to make them want a PhD. They know things. And they are in the business of sharing their knowledge. If you seek their insight and advice, you can learn so much. If you bond with them, your mutual friendship can be a gift for decades.
In this blog I’ve provided you with a guide on how to build relationships with your professors so that they can mentor and support you beyond just college.
Everyday Habits That Earn a Professor’s Respect
Lasting relationships start with small, consistent habits. These four set the foundation.
Be Mature
A successful way to start your quest on how to build relationships with your professors is to make sure you’re a capable and mature individual. College professors meet you when you are a (young) adult. This is an opportunity for you to make a fresh start and form a favorable impression. Professors want you to appreciate the opportunities that university life offers, and the top of the list is a good education. So meet every deadline, stay alert in class, never make excuses, and show a genuine effort and eagerness to learn.
Accept Invitations
Most professors offer office hours; if you want to learn how to build relationships with your professors, you should use them. Stop by with questions and enthusiasm. Ask if you can discuss your career goals with them or if they would talk with you about their own career path. Their door is open and you are welcome.
At many schools – especially at small liberal arts colleges – faculty host student gatherings in their homes. You should eagerly attend these dinners. First, it usually means a good meal. Second, it’s a chance to see where, how, and with whom your professors lived. (In my experience, professor’s partners are extremely interesting people too.) Any time you visit someone in their home, your relationship expands. You learn things about them and their personalities and that brings you closer.
Some colleges also sponsor “take a prof to lunch” programs. You can do this every term. It will likely be fun, and it usually comes with a good meal! Professors are usually pleased to be asked. You can do this with a small group of friends from class so that it feels more comfortable or less stressful.
Take an Interest in Their Subject
This one sort of goes without saying. If you’re not interested in math at all, and you’re struggling in class, perhaps your math professor isn’t the best person to get to know. As you contemplate how to build relationships with your professors, it’s important to remember that you’ll have an easier time communicating with mentors whose classes you have a genuine interest towards, whom you can work with on various projects, and who can offer you guidance in your field in return.
Be Patient and Respectful
As you navigate how to build relationships with your professors, remember that you’re not their only student. Professors are busy people with deadlines to meet and classes to teach. As a result you cannot expect them to reply to all your emails within 5-10 minutes, or always be readily available to help you any time you have a question. [1] If you want them to respect you, remember that you have to show them respect first! Don’t email them at 3 am and demand an instant response. Neither should you constantly nag them about returning an assignment. Remember, they’ve got a lot going on!
Make Office Hours Count
Office hours are the single easiest way to get to know a professor, yet many students never use them. A few habits make each visit worthwhile.
- Go early in the semester. Do not wait until the week before an exam. An early visit, even a short one, puts a name to your face.
- Arrive with a clear purpose. Bring a specific question about a reading, a problem set, or an idea from lecture so your time together is focused. [1]
- Take notes and follow through. Write down the advice you receive, apply it, and mention the result the next time you visit.
- Be honest about what you do not understand. Professors would rather help you work through confusion than watch you guess.
If you cannot attend scheduled hours, send a short, polite email asking for another time. Our guide on how to write an email to a professor walks through the format.
Over a semester, these visits add up. A professor who has answered your questions, seen your drafts improve, and heard about your goals knows you as a person rather than a name on a roster, and that knowledge is what makes their mentorship and letters so valuable.
Turn a Good Relationship Into Research and Recommendations
Once a professor knows you and your work, new doors open. Many undergraduate research positions come from exactly these relationships. If a professor’s work interests you, read one of their recent papers, then ask whether they take undergraduates in their lab or on their projects. Even if they cannot take you on, they may point you to a colleague who can.
These relationships also produce the most detailed recommendation letters. When you need one for a scholarship, a summer program, or graduate school, ask a professor who has seen your work up close, and ask several weeks before the deadline. Share your resume, the purpose of the letter, and a reminder of the projects or discussions you had together. For more on choosing letter writers, read the best and worst people to ask for recommendation letters.
Finally, take more than one course with a professor when you can. A second or third class lets them see your growth over time, which is exactly what makes a letter specific and convincing. The habits that help you build these relationships in college start earlier, too, and students who pursue research opportunities in high school often arrive on campus already comfortable approaching faculty.
Common Mistakes That Hold Students Back
Most students who struggle to connect with faculty are not doing anything wrong on purpose. They are usually making one of a few avoidable mistakes.
- Only showing up when there is a problem. If your first visit is to dispute a grade, that is the impression you leave. Visit when things are going well, too.
- Waiting until senior year. A professor you met in your first or second year has had years to watch you grow. Start early, even if you are unsure of your major.
- Treating the relationship as a transaction. Professors can tell when a student appears only because they need a letter. Genuine curiosity about the subject is what turns a contact into a mentor.
- Sending vague or rushed emails. A clear subject line, a specific question, and a polite tone make it easy for a busy professor to respond.
- Disappearing after the course ends. A short update at the end of a semester, or a note when you reach a milestone, keeps the connection alive.
None of these mistakes is permanent. If you recognize one in yourself, the fix is simply to start showing up with curiosity and consistency. Professors tend to welcome students who make a sincere effort, no matter when they start.
Stay in Touch
I have always thought it must be a bit heartbreaking to be a teacher. They invest so much care and effort into each student and then most students head out into the world and rarely look back. If you have developed a good relationship, you should maintain it as you would any adult friendship.
Professors want to hear about your successes and can offer advice during your struggles. Like any genuine relationship, the support should be mutual. You may be asked to write recommendations for professors seeking tenure. You should reach out to professors who endure losses in their lives.
You may find that you become genuine friends, people who come to each other’s weddings.
It might initially seem like the most intimidating act on earth, but learning how to build relationships with your professors can be fun and ultimately rewarding. The four years you spend in college are stressful ones. Having mentors who support you and are there for you is reassuring – they can answer the questions on your mind and serve as living examples that things turn out okay for people who pursue the same interests as you. Make sure you take advantage of office hours and act with maturity and respect as you figure out how to cultivate these possibly lifelong connections. [2] Good luck!
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